Before I get back the Arabian entries, I just wanted to share some obvious advice.
Until we raise our children, girls and boys, with a sense of modesty and propriety, harassment, rape, and other forms of sexual abuse will continue.
Unless we teach boys that gawking is shameful, they will continue to do it. Teach them. “Keep your hands to yourself. Don’t curse. Don’t use foul language! Don’t ogle women, it’s rude.” Little boys and young men have to be taught that they are not predisposed to being playas, dawgs or animals.
They have to know that being a virgin after a certain age does not make you weird or gay. They have to see girls and women as human beings, worthy of respect. They have to know that they should respect women, even when women aren’t respecting themselves. They have to know that decency is not conditional. It’s mandatory.
But if you don’t drill it into their heads at an early age than expect this sexist nonsense to continue. If you don’t raise them with these values, don’t get mad when I pull out some pepper spray and mace him or if a real man comes along and knocks them out.
It’s simple, people. Real simple. Until we do this, there aren’t enough veils, burkas and chadors in the world to protect our women. And I stress this for Muslims and well as non-Muslims cuz a woman is being raped, right now, in America, China, Egypt and Sudan. And perverts know no boundaries.
That’s all.
Farzana said,
August 27, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Here! Here!
Well said sister!!!
Aaminah said,
August 27, 2008 at 3:13 pm
AMEEN!
For all the crap about a sister or daughter’s “honor”, I can’t understand why those same brothers and fathers aren’t concerned that they are the one’s dishonoring other women by the way they stare, cat call, grab, brush up against etc.
Teaching our daughters about hijab is not the only duty. Teaching our sons to respect hijab, and to respect all girls/women whether they hijab or not, is absolutely essential. Hijab is NOT about women protecting ourselves from men. All the clothes in the world will not protect us from low-character men. Hijab is about obeying Allah and having self-respect. But we need to balance teaching our daughters about that with also making far more effort to teach our sons to be of high character and respectful of all women.
Dynamite Soul said,
August 27, 2008 at 5:45 pm
As salaamu alaikum,
Here here.
As a mother, I have to watch myself and make sure that I respect other women as well as myself. I reflected on the fact that within some areas of my community, there are groups of young men who were raised ONLY by their mothers/grandmothers, yet they display disrespect toward women. I began to think about the attitudes of women toward women in my community, and how that could influence a young man’s interactions with females young and old.
As I type about it, I think that there are some males who were inadvertently taught to be hateful toward women in general, or to be disrespectful to certain types of women. Just an observation.
Anyway Izzy, this post was great, masha Allah.
Shawna said,
August 27, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Amen sister! I was just telling my husband that the other day bc I asked him about watching Disney movies with weak female characters and he said it’s fine for boys, but not girls. WTF? The boys are absorbing the same things about what media expects from women as girls do. And it’s not like the men are keeping their eyes down, even in cartoons.
Strong words. Well said.
coolred38 said,
August 27, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Considering women are the main caregivers…one would have to assume that little boys that grow up to be disrespectful to women…were taught that by their mothers….hmmmm? While hijab on the head may be important to some…hijab of the heart, mind and soul should be of paramount importance…for both girls and boys.
Fatemeh said,
August 27, 2008 at 7:58 pm
“Unless we teach boys that gawking is shameful, they will continue to do it.”
YES! YES! YES! I am so tired of hearing “that’s just the way men are.” Barikallah for your post!
ribh said,
August 27, 2008 at 10:50 pm
“They have to know that being a virgin after a certain age does not make you weird or gay.” Izzy, I wanted to calm down but I couldn’t let this one pass. Being a virgin until marriage is the normal way things should be. Why should you be on the defensive ? Virgins don’t need to justify themselves, rather be admired and respected.
musulmana said,
August 27, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Thanks for this post, Izzy. After the comments on the last post especially.
and again ribh says:
“Virgins don’t need to justify themselves, rather be admired and respected.”
I think Izzy is saying this because SHE also believes this but not everyone in the Muslim community does. Boys aren’t IMPLICITLY told they need to be virgins but girls are. So, it’s a conversation that we have to have with our girls AND boys.
All the virginity talk is always geared towards women, like the males have different “rules” or something.
My boy and my girl will get the same admonitions, insha’Allah.
thelegacymaker said,
August 28, 2008 at 3:15 am
ASA,
I think the best example for me was through my father (who is not Muslim). Not only did he treat women with utmost respect, he taught me to do the same thing. He would tell me, “You should say, ‘Yes, Mam’ when you speak to women. They would love that!” So, I started to say yes, mam when I was little and I noticed how well I was received by most women. Things like this stuck with me when I grew older.
When my peers acted ignorant to sisters…I would impress most by how I treated them. I was taught by my father how to be a Gentleman, and a leader. The men in the community really hold the bulk of this responsibility. Just my perspective.
Izzy Mo said,
August 28, 2008 at 5:18 am
Jazak Allah khairn everyone. I was inspired to write this when I read an article about sexual harassment in Egypt. The whole article kept focusing on hijab and whether or not women should leave it on because it didn’t deter the harassment. I’m like, “Hello, hijab ain’t the issue! It’s men with no home training, that’s the issue!” If they would just start focusing on the harasser rather than the harassed, they could solve this problem quickly!
Ribh: I’m on the defensive for the sake of teenagers. In some Muslim cultures, it may be expected for a guy to be a virgin on his wedding night, even though some think otherwise. But America, especially at my old high school, if you were a guy and you hadn’t had sex yet, you were gay. Period. Or a punk or a fag. That’s what guys were called if they hadn’t had sex yet. I’m sure, out of peer pressure, guys who were virgins lied and said they weren’t just to get some relief. A lot of people don’t realize that there is huge pressure on boys “to score.” He can’t admit he’s not ready because it brings on accusations of weirdness or homosexuality. And in recent years, the pressure of girls has infinitely grown. You better not be a virgin girl in college or you’ll never heard the end of it.
Aaminah said,
August 28, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Asalaamu alaikum.
My son was only in the 5th grade last year, in a Catholic school, and already the boys were talking about everything but actual intercourse… AlhamdulAllah, I think I’ve raised him not to feel he needs to compete with that kind of stupidity, but I’ve also told him that if it comes down to it, he will marry young, inshaAllah, rather than being tempted to fornicate.
ribh said,
August 28, 2008 at 5:14 pm
musulmana you got it all wrong… and Izzy’s answer clarifies what I had understood but unfortunately you didn’t. I know that this is what SHE thought but I was aware that being US she had felt the heat she is talking about when she says “And in recent years, the pressure of girls has infinitely grown. You better not be a virgin girl in college or you’ll never hear the end of it.” What I expressed is that it is the others who should justify themselves not those who do it right. Next time try to understand the meaning of what people say before repeating the feminist slogans you have been brainwashed with. I have great respect for Izzy and I wouldn’t like to turn her blog to a battlefield or she’s gone to expulse both of us. Tell me you won’t Izzy, please, please
musulmana said,
August 28, 2008 at 7:18 pm
wa aleikum salam
I am all for woman’s rights and always have been and will continue to be.
I am not a “Western feminist” if that is what you mean. I am far from brainwashed, trust me. I enjoy doing dawah and give halaqas to the youth and the the adult woman at the masjid. I have been called salafi, wahabi, well, all kinds of stuff in my life as a Muslim. Labels can’t hurt me. However, I speak what I believe is right for those too shy to speak for themselves.
And you said you misunderstood Izzy. I did not. She proposes that we all teach our children BOYS and GIRLS about morality. She is aware of the greater culture and its pressures, and believe me, Muslims aren’t exempt from these pressures, not even in the Middle East. Not being ashamed to be a virgin is a feeling that must be ingrained in a youth, not taught later like it is ” ‘ayb”.
and you said:
“What I expressed is that it is the others (who are the others?) who should justify themselves not those who do it right.” This would be nice, wouldn’t it? But Izzy said it best that we have to do for ourselves, we can’t wait for others to change.
Perhaps it is all a misunderstanding, but:
Izzy said:
“Unless we teach boys that gawking is shameful, they will continue to do it. Teach them. “Keep your hands to yourself. Don’t curse. Don’t use foul language! Don’t ogle women, it’s rude.”
In contrast, you haven’t apologized for justifying light penalties for rape if the victim was scantily clad (with no Islamic rulings to justify your claims).
In the last comments you said that I had posted something when in fact I had not.
In these comments, you are calling me brainwashed.
Please, you are being very impolite. It seems that you do not like it when women speak up. Well, get used to it, we are raising children, doing dawah, and studying Islam. We know what our rights and responsibilities are.
Izzy knows me personally and although we may disagree on stuff, we are friends (insha’Allah). I am not some anonymous username in the cyberworld commenting on someone’s blog. Izzy could call me in a heartbeat and tell me to chill out- LOL. I am proud of her achievements and keep her friends locally (who do not read her blog) abreast of the good things that are happening in her life (I do read her blog). I am not posting on YOUR blog.
So, with that said, from now on, I will only respond to Izzy and her posts, not to you.
Jazak Allah.
Izzy, did you know about Hurricane Gustov- A CAT 3 headed this way, we are all (NOLA) preparing to evacuate as we speak. We have even canceled the New Muslim Banquet. The evacuations are not mandatory yet, perhaps not until Saturday morning. If you are interested in checking it out:
nola.com
wdsu.com
Pray for us! And tomorrow’s the anniversary of Katrina to boot!
Aaminah said,
August 28, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Asalaamu alaikum Musulmana,
Shukran, ukhti, for letting us know about the hurricane situation. As you know, I don’t tend to watch the local news. And I haven’t gotten around to watching the Spanish language news in some time either, LOL. So I was totally unaware of this before, but I will be making du’a for you and your family and everyone in NOLA. InshaAllah, it may not get to evacuation level – I pray that for everyone’s sake because I don’t think NOLA is prepared for that again. May Allah keep you, and all, safe, inshaAllah.
ribh said,
August 28, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Assallamu 3alaykum wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh, Musulmana I pray Allah for you too as well as your beloved. Case closed.
musulmana said,
August 29, 2008 at 2:00 am
Jazak Allah Khair (did I say that right? or is it Khairan)
No hard feelings.
Thanks for the duas. I’m getting into panic mode – LOL. Not yet, but I’m running around the house wondering when to leave. Also, wondering if I should put our books in plastic bins just in case it floods, or if it will really make a difference.
Izzy, since your house flooded last time, tell me, if you could have packed something that you left behind (saved) what would it be?
Friday Links — August 29, 2008 « Muslimah Media Watch said,
August 29, 2008 at 7:03 am
[...] Mo’s Blog has some words of major wisdom for raising our [...]
ribh said,
August 29, 2008 at 8:43 am
It writes Khairan but it reads Khair, especially if it is at the end of the sentence. And also “Al Khairou fi oummati ila yawmi al qiyyama”, “There is goodness in my Ummah until the end of times”. Hadith.
Izzy Mo said,
August 29, 2008 at 9:57 am
Oooh, guys I’ll be back to answer this stuff.
Well, I would have tried to save my paintings and books. Losing artwork from high school and college was pretty rough. But it wouldn’t have fit in the car anyway. There were so many of them and they were really big. Try to take some very important books with you and family pictures. I used to be the keeper of our family photos until Katrina washed them all away.
Impermanence « Aaminah Hernández said,
August 29, 2008 at 1:29 pm
[...] Izzy Mo survived Katrina, losing everything in the process, Musulmana asked her what she would have prioritized to save, inshaAllah. (Izzy Mo’s answer is [...]
K said,
August 31, 2008 at 4:09 am
awesome
amen