Okay, okay. I know I’m supposed to be writing about my trip but this has something to do with it!
While I was busy bashing around the Middle East, I did try to keep up with the happenings of Bloglandia. Apparently, much has been written about the trend of Black Muslim men seeking wives from Morocco and all of the controversy that goes along with it. I can only give my limited perspective as a Muslim in the South but from looking at the various communities throughout the US, the whole “Moroccan wife” thing is very rare in the South. I only know of one sister who’s son is married to a Moroccan. But every African-American Muslim woman that I know is married to African-American Muslim man. From the way they interact with each other, the brothers don’t seem to be looking for an “upgrade” anytime soon. I think this is primarily, though not exclusively, a Northeast American Muslim phenomenon.
The majority of southern Black Muslims belong to or affliate with the WD Mohammed community. Being the Sunni Islam off-shoot of the Nation of Islam movement, naturally, there is more talk about African-American culture. We’ve all heard of the New Africa project so I doubt that within this particular group of Black Muslims, imams and laypeople will start advocating some sort of Moroccan Mail-Order Bride program. And honestly, if a brother loves and cares for his Moroccan wife, that’s awesome. Personally, I think African-American and Moroccan can make a beautiful combination of cultures.
It only becomes a problem when brothers are marrying women from overseas because of this Orientalist fantasy of beautiful, obedient and compliant women. And if seeking this type of woman is their reasoning for going to Morocco, or wherever, then it’s obvious that non-Muslims aren’t the only ones who suffer from Orientalism. It seems that some Muslim men entertain the notion of a this obedient, caged virgin, piously hiding her lovely curly locks and ample busom under her black garb. The sweet maiden was raised within the confines of a pure Islamic society so she is sure to be inexperienced and innocent in all matters. She waits, oh so patiently, for her husband to come home so that she can cook his meals, fulfill all of his sexual desires, rub his feet, call him by the most affectionate nicknames and always remain in state of rapturous beauty. She is soft-spoken, quiet, gentle and understands her place in the home. She never complains or has an opinion that differs from his own. And most importantly, she isn’t corrupted or tainted by the scourges of feminism and racism that have rendered the Black American woman unwanted and undesirable.
Good grief, give me a break! This is Orientalism run amock but this time it’s Western Muslims falling into the trap.
Poor, poor brothers! Did you really think this woman was real? Did you think that there existed a woman with no hang-ups, complaints, personal needs or “issues”? Did you think there existed a pure woman who could be your love goddess/live-in maid/Islamic scholar/home chef/Arabic teacher all at the same time without having her own faults and flaws? I guess what happens is that this poor brother walks into this marriage with this fantasy and eventually wakes up to the nightmare of having to deal with a actual human being! Oh goodness, this lady actually has a will, opinions and spunk!
By anyway…I digress. I’m not too worried about this trend for many reasons.
One: As an African-American woman, do I really want to be with someone who thinks I’m less than worthy because I’m Black like him? I know some Blacks sisters are complaining but honestly, wouldn’t you rather have a brother who has self-love and loves you because of who you are and not what you are? Those brothers who are following the Oriental fantasy aren’t capable of giving any woman the kindness, love and respect she deserves.
Two: Despite the hype, Black people still love and want each other. Just because some guys are marrying outside their race for all the wrong reasons doesn’t mean that there aren’t Black men who are still looking for a Black queen. Because interracial marriage is encouraged in Islam, our community will always have more interracial marriages than others–and that is a good thing. But I don’t forsee this ultimate abandonment of Black Muslim women by Black Muslim men. The marriages in my community suggest that people are getting married younger and that many Black Muslims are having successful, happy marriages.
Three: Black women are wanted and considered desirable. There I said it! Subhan’Allah, I get tired of crazy complaints about Black women are this and that. After centuries of being taught that we are ugly, brutish and masculine, it’s hard not to internalize those negative feelings. For some of us, I guess it’s slap in the face when we are passed over for someone else–and not because that someone else had more taqwa but because they weren’t African-American. And lately there seems to be a stigma associated with being Black, female and educated (As if we had a choice in the matter. After all, we have to take ourselves since no one else is going to do it for us). It’s time for us to stop being the mules of the world. For those brothers who think we are damaged goods (emotionally, physically or both) all I can say is this, if you won’t love us, somebody else will.
Prior to becoming Muslim, I kept my mind open to marrying someone of another race. Becoming Muslim has made it a necessity. After all, we’re only 1 or 2% of the American population and some of our brothers marry Christian or Jewish women. I’m not going to limit my pool of choices in light of these grim statistics–especially if non-Black Muslim brothers are making offers of marriage. So my Black Muslim sisters, don’t be too surprised if your future husband is not the Black prince you dreamed of but Blond and Fair guy that’s been checking you out at the masjid.
Of course, we could squash all this by marrying people for reasons based on taqwa, character, compatibility and what not. Oh, but wait, that’s the Islamic way! I guess some of us are not ready to try that.
izzymo said,
November 22, 2007 at 10:29 am
PS: And for those brothers who find Black sisters so unattractive, please spare us your complaints when we marry non-Black Muslims. It smacks of hypocrisy. We’re not race traitors and we are quite tired of this expection of loyalty only to have it thrown back in our face. Insha’Allah, when WE marry, it will be for God’s pleasure and not for the sake of some stupid fantasy.
Abdur-Rahman M said,
November 22, 2007 at 10:59 am
as-salaam alaykum Sister,
You said
I think this is primarily, though not exclusively, a Northeast American Muslim phenomenon
You are right, but don’t forget that the vast majority of Blackamerican Muslims are in the Northeast. It is not even close. There is a lot of history with Blackamericans and Islam that many Muslims today do not know (but I feel that we can learn from) and it all started here on the East Coast with old movements such at the Dar Al Islam Movement, the Islamic Party, MIB and others. I hope to be able to discuss them at length to make more people aware of our history as Muslims in America.
This phenomenon of going overseas to get married only started really rolling within the past 10 years or so.
UmmFarouq said,
November 22, 2007 at 11:54 am
Love that post!
Stupid fantasies, be damned, because they hold no value except of that imagined. And they will never be fulfilled, because they are STUPID.
Neither our religion nor our marriages have any room for hypocrisy.
Samira said,
November 22, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Great post! I’m happily married to a supportive, devout AA Muslim man. It’s a wonderful thing!
Aaminah said,
November 22, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Asalaamu alaikum ukhti,
Preach on!
Abdur Rahman said,
November 22, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Salaams Izzy Mo,
Ma sha Allah! As Aaminah said, preach on!
Abdur Rahman
Maryam said,
November 25, 2007 at 10:15 am
As-Salaamu-Alaikum,
This is one of the reason why I think that the African American Group will be extinct in the futue, activity such as this. The reason why I say this is because we have our brothers are coming out the closet with this gay thing and down low, they want other African American Men not women and to top that off is the hatred we have for one another that we are killing our young African American boys before the get to so-call manhood stage. Yes, in the future we will become museum objects on display. Museum goers looking at our hair care products such as the straighting comb asking question like this. What is that object over there? Answer, It a straighting comb that was once use for the no longer existing African American, they were good at one time for our society, Howver they destroy themselves through hatred and lack of understanding of each other.
Maryam said,
November 25, 2007 at 10:44 am
PS:
I just want to keep the record straight I am not against African Americans marring out of our goup, because you can’t help who you fall in love with. However if you go out actively looking for someone out of your race like I did in my younger days and reality slap me in the face that most people are alike in so many ways no matter what group you come from. We should want to perserve our goup for all that we have been through as a group of people and lets STOP HATING ONE ANOTHER. THIS HATRED IS KILLING US, AND IT STARTS IN OUR HOMES. FIRST, BY TALKING ABOUT EACH OTHER TO OUR CHILDREN HAVING THEM GROWING UP HATING OTHER ADULTS AND THEIR CHILDREN. THE ONLY WAY WE ARE GOING TO MAKE IT IN THIS WORLD, IS THROUGH LOVE AND CARING FOR EACH OTHER NOT THROWING STUMB ING BLOCKS FOR EACH OTHER TO TRIP ON.
muslimahlocs said,
November 25, 2007 at 9:13 pm
asa.
black men are interesting, aren’t they? enough about them already. especially given that the recent studies that indicate that the highest rates of polygamy of are occuring in the AA community. is that really what most sisters want as their first choice? seriously, women of african descent need to stop sitting around waiting for their “shining black prince” and explore all options that are available to them. and yes, we do have MANY options. the focus should first on a prospective dh’s deen.
musulmana said,
November 27, 2007 at 8:17 pm
assalamu aleikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu,
Just got back from visiting Chattanooga, Alhamdullilah! So I was a couple of hours north of you. There are three mosques there. Loved Ruby Falls and Rock City!
Anyways, I’ve been wanting to mention this. It really upsets me when I read blogs written by African-American women and they are in polygamy because there are not enough African-American Muslim brothers available! One thing is to be okay in a polygynous marriage, and another thing is to feel like you don’t have any choice because your husband feels like he is the last Coca-Cola in the desert!
I hate to be insensitive, but why can’t some of these same sisters look for husbands who aren’t African-American? There are available Muslim brothers out there that need wives! I must be missing something.
But I think Izzy said it “Of course, we could squash all this by marrying people for reasons based on taqwa, character, compatibility and what not. Oh, but wait, that’s the Islamic way! I guess some of us are not ready to try that.”
Abu Sinan said,
December 5, 2007 at 7:40 pm
My wife and I were talking about this the other day. Do these brothers think these Morrocan women are marrying them because they are interested in them? Find them attractive or what have you?
There is a reason these brothers go OVERSEAS to get these Morrocan women when there are a lot of Morrocans already here in the USA. It is exactly because the Morrocan women here would most likely NOT marry these brothers.
The majority of the time these Morrocan women see the American convert as nothing more than a one way ticket to the USA. After two years she’s out there door because she has her green card.
How many of these marriages has anyone seen that lasts long term? Sad to say, but you can never be exactly sure what someone is marrying you for when there is a green card and living in the USA in the mix. I would advise everyone to be very careful when marrying someone who will rely on you for residency. That goes for men and women alike.
The newcomer faces being abused because they have no place to go, the person who gives the residency faces being alone as soon as they get the green card.
I never have, and still dont, understand the obsession with light skinned women, no matter where they come from. Dark women are beautiful. Makes me wonder if some level of self hatred isnt involved with the people who think this way?
Izzy Mo said,
December 6, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Salaamz Abu Sinan
While I think being light-skinned has something to do with it, I think that they are really motivated by this belief that Moroccan women–and by extension Arab and/or Eastern women–are doormats. If it was just a light skin thing, they could marry light skinned Blacks, Latinoes or other light-skinned Muslimas here in the States. Plus there’s the idea that she knows more about Islam and speaks Arabic. Because of course, he certainly couldn’t marry a sister here and they both could go study Arabic and Islam together. @@
Now why they are choosing the Moroccan Arabic dialect beats me because I let my Palestinian friend listen to some Maghribi singers and the dialect is so different that he couldn’t pick up on anything. But Allah rewards our intentions and if they are going over thinking that marrying someone from a different culture is a cakewalk, then may Allah guide them and bless them. They’re gonna need it.
Abu Sinan said,
December 6, 2007 at 6:41 pm
We have Morrocan friends and the Arabic is so far removed from standard Arabic as to be pretty much useless for either Qur’anic studies or conversational Arabic.
I think these men who marry Arab or Morrocan sisters because they are “doormats” underestimate North African and Arab women. My experience is that they are often very hot blooded, have short fuses and a heck of a temper.
I am married to an Arab who has been here in the USA moist of her life, with the exception of some years in Saudi, it is not easy. Even cultural differences with her, even thought she was educated here, are enormous.
gassus said,
February 29, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Abu Sinan, I lived in Saudi Arabia and there are tribes who Saudis cannot understand. Criticizing Darija is wrong, everyone who became arabized mixed the arabic with their language to varying degrees. Ask people who married these women and let them speak for themselves. Did you marry a “doormat”? Or did you just marry your wife ? Some people criticized Arabs and immigrant muslims of treating black people as second class citizens now you criticize the same people of marrying blacks.
Mike said,
March 29, 2008 at 12:19 am
Abu Sinan makes his racist comments on a regular basis. Because he’s a white guy,he believes that all women should like guys that look like him. He naturally has a superiority complex because he is married to a Saudi. Whoopeee do. Aren’t some of these the most hypocritical muslims in the whole so called Ummah???
Basically this fool implies that foreign women only like black men because they can be used for green-cards and nothing else. There are many African-American American men that have married Moroccan women already in the U.S. and even some Moroccan women that had the ability to attain visas ON THIER OWN because of thier business savvy and family wealth, that have also married black American men.
African-American women are beautiful too, and good black brothers and sisters need to find a way to meet each other.
As for Abu Sin, maybe you’ll want to hit up: http://www.stormfront.com
as this appears to be more your speed.
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muslim said,
October 4, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Points on marrying Morrocan women
1) Daraja is far from Fusha Arabic but Morrocans have been exposed to fusha through the media and education. They certainly know Arabic better than us.
2) Some Morrocan women marry for a visa. But the idea that all western women (or men) are angels who marry for deen is also way off. A Muslim sister in the west wont marry you for a visa- but she may well marry you for your money if you have it. See how easy it is for doctors to find a spouse compared to people on lower pay. Are doctors at a higher level of taqwa? We need to be realistic. How do you know your wife didnt marry you for your money , if you are wealthy, and wouldnt havent looked at you otherwise??
Morrocan and overseas women can have a bad temper etc – but are western women immune? We should treat people as individuals not as groups we can make grotesque stereotypes that if non-Muslim made we would rightly be offended by. The idea that men are marryinng women so they are doormats is stupid and fits with stereotypes of Muslim women non-Muslims have- they are marrying so they can be taught Arabic etc and the one who teaches you can never be your doormat.
I know a brother who married a Morrocan woman whose family try to fleece him out of every penny. He then married a Morrocan woman is the nicest kindest wife you could wish for. What do we learn from this? That all Morrocan women are gold diggers or all Morrocan women are wonderful wives?
Those criticising Morrocan women should reflect on this : many in the ummah are so infected with the disease of racism (I speak as someone of Pakistani origin) that they would never in a million years marry a black brother even if he had a US visa. Yet we criticise Morrocans who will marry a Muslim regardless of race
SubhanAllah