Ramadan Light
Originally uploaded by Izzy Mo
Salaam alaikum,
It’s that time of year!
Time to whip our spiritual selves into shape!
Time to reassess ourselves and see if we have grown as believers.
Time to feel sorry for ourselves…wait, what?
Yeah.
For us single folks, especially us single converts, this time of the year can be kind of a downer–if you let it. Try your best to deal with the Muslims who can’t believe that you are fasting the month of Ramadan…alone. Just be patient with them because they don’t see how you do it. For a lot of folks, it’s hard to fathom. Some people are used to having loved ones wake them up for Fajr. Someone is always there to make suhoor or lead prayer. You have yourself but most importantly Allah has you. With this in mind, you can either feel depressed (which is normal during the holidays) or you can take advantage of the situation.
What prompted this post was when a few sisters and I were talking about preparing for Ramadan. One sister was a married convert, the other was a married “born-Muslim” and I was the single convert. The married convert talked about how fasting for Ramadan would be difficult because her husband would be out of town for the month of Ramadan. Without him there, she felt that the motivation for fasting would not be there. While I understood her concerns, my first thought was how the true purpose of Ramadan can be lost due to distractions and dependencies in our lives. While it is great to have friends and family to help us as we struggle through the Holy Month, we must always remember that the striving and struggling is for Allah alone. Your reasons for waking up for suhoor and fajr prayer should be for Allah’s pleasure, not simply because it’s the custom of your culture or because your spouse is doing the same thing. After all, we’ve heard of the stories of Muslims who fast or pray because their families or their culture encouraged it. But once removed from those things they gave up the essential practices of their deen.
This is my fourth Ramadan. Each Ramadan has been spent as a single Muslim. My only Muslim relative lives in another state so I don’t have any family support to lean on. There was a time when this really troubled me. Seeing the families break their fast or celebrating at Eid can seem like such a glaring reminder of what you don’t have. But now I see the blessings in “going it alone.” If I don’t pray tarawih or tahajjud during Ramadan, when the doors of Heaven are open, who is there to blame but myself? I can’t say that I was busy with the kids or I had tons of food to cook. If I don’t finish the Qur’an or at least read it with awe and concentration, what’s my excuse?
Single Muslims have the opportunity to do some intense spiritual renovation. We have time! Of course, many of us have demanding jobs or we may be taking care of our relatives. But while we are still waiting to complete that other half of the deen, we could be spending our free time in learning and worship. We have time to learn tajweed (like I’m doing now, alhamdulillah), pray Sunnah and Nafl prayers, or take classes on fiqh and spirituality.
Use of the month of Ramadan to ask Allah for His mercy and for the ability to use this time in your life wisely. Because before you know it, you will be married and then the kids will come. And while you will love being a devoted spouse and parent, you will wish that you had more time to dedicate to learning the deen.
As for those lonely days, hook up with some folks at the masjid or plan an Eid party for your closest friends. Or you can have all-brother or all-sister prayer sessions. They can be very empowering. Cook an iftar for your buddies or if some of your friends can’t make it to the mosque for tarawih, turn your place into a masjid and invite them over and have tarawih at your house. Pray those 20 rakat and get the reward of feeding people and joining people for prayer. For those of you who love to decorate, decorate your homes with beautiful calligraphy, light and lanterns. It’s a nice feeling to walk inside of a festive and decorative home.
On a final note, treat yourself to something nice for Eid. No, there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself as long as it’s within reason. For sisters, I suggest getting a pedicure because after all that marathon praying, you’re gonna need it. 
Don’t let your single-ness damper what could be a fruitful and successful Ramadan.
(cross posted at Ramadanish)
