Izzy Mo’s Blog

Yeah, I know but…whatever!

I forgot that I had to post my monthly entry at Nisaa!  So here it is.  The Average Woman’s Manifesto. 

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Oh, yeah, umm…So Blair is finally pulling out of Iraq?  Well, so like Bush is the only one asking for a surge of soldiers while other nations are bailing?  I feel like I’ve been in loonyland since 2000. 

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So Brittney cut her hair off.  And the media blaming it on narcissism.  I don’t know…ooops, gotta get back to work!!!!!!!  The museum’s gotta a visitor!

Due to an exam that I must study for (eeeew!) and my need to finish up and edit the first part of my thesis paper, I must stop blogging until sometime next week.  I must say that the manhood entry has generated some interesting responses. So for my second entry on the subject, I will simply highlight Brother Yursil’s thoughtful reponse. Sorry, dude, that’s what you get for bringing wonderful responses to my blog.  :::giggle::: I’ll be back insha’Allah.

Your busy bee blogger,

Izzy Mo

****************************************************

BismillahiRahmanirRaheem

as-salamu’alaikum,

I suppose some of what I am about to say will offend, but I sincerely
did not intend to.

The problem with the lack of manhood is due to a lack of Islam and lack
of a proper role model, for both men and women. A rising level of
cruelty all across the world, whether it is in geo-politics or our families
is easily witnessed by all.

Those who have faith and have an appreciation for Quran and Sunna are
very well off, but at the same time it is very difficult… no,
EXTREMELY difficult to translate Quranic ayats and Hadith meant for scholars
and legal rulings into a practical version of Islam.   This is especially
the case when dealing with interpersonal relationships, the subtleties
of which are really only learned by experience and from witnessing a
living example.

Shaykh Maulana Nazim gave a sohbet where he said: “Bring
your wife some jewelry, so that she may be pleased with you.  Always,
when your wife is angry with you, bring her something that she likes.  You
must know, all of you: don’t hurt your wives; don’t hurt your wives! 
Make them always pleased with you; otherwise when you come, they will
surely go out.  Understand?  Keep them happy, and in return they will
keep you happy, also.”

From this small tidbit we realize a few things, one is that the man has
to be able to provide, and provide well.  Jewelry does not come from
thin air.  And we cannot ever, no matter how tempted we are, ever hurt
our wives.  So we have to be strong providers, as well as not abuse that
strength. Simple, no?

We don’t have many men who understand these simple things anymore, but
I must say, we also don’t have women who understand their role anymore.  
It is a bit of a chicken and the egg scenario… which comes first,
wifely understanding of the respect she must show her husband?  Or
husbandly understanding of the proper treatment of the wife? 

It seems both are extremely lacking in our world. So this chicken AND
the egg are both fried.

Due to the cruelty of man they have become undeserving of any respect
and recognition from the animals in their lives, much less the women
they are supposed to cherish.   Due to the haughtiness and ego of the
woman, men have begun treating women like competing men, abuse rising level
after level in this new ‘competition’ of egos we call marriage.

So both sides have to work on themselves first, and I feel shamed
saying these things, but as most of you are women here you need to analyze
ourselves to see if you are displaying the proper characteristics of
Islamic femininity. 

The men will have to work on themselves, and there is little more to be
said about cruelty which is rising within them, except give them the
nasihat towards true Islam and give them a proper guide who will set them
straight.

One of my close friends was pretty abusive to his wife.  Shaykh Effendi
knew this already, but he also looks for us to open certain things, so
as I told him my concerns, within a few short weeks Shaykh has
completely set this guy straight.  SubhanAllah, I must say the darkness that
was on his face turned to light immediately after his behavior changed
from whatever stern talk he was given by Shaykh Effendi.  The wife is now
extremely happy for her situation with him, although she still lives
with in-laws and they present other challenges.

The woman is responsible for the few things we all know, in an Islamic
relationship.  But while the man should know how to cook and clean (and
Shaykh orders us on the cooking part quite a lot), the truth is just
because the woman is not legally responsible for it, it doesn’t mean she
should not rush to the opportunity to take care of those things.  

We know what the Prophet (Sallahu’alaiheewassalam) said about
prostration and the husband and wife. Do we not?

“It is not appropriate that any human being should
prostrate to another human being and if it were, I would order woman to
prostrate to her husband due to the greatness of his right over her.

Certainly from this has to come -some- wisdom?

“Any woman that dies and her husband is happy with her,
enters Paradise.” (Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah)

So a proper woman is not looking to find legal loopholes out of various
opportunities to help the family.  Rather, it is clear that a good wife
will rush to please the husband, just as much as the husband should be
rushing to provide and be a caretaker.

And while washing, cooking, raising children, and cleaning are not the
woman’s legal responsbility, please let it be known that it is not
necessarily the man’s personal duty either.  The role for the man in that
case is to, generally, provide for help who can take those burdens off
of both husband and wife (although that has become increasingly
prohibitive in this country).

The truth is we will be held accountable for our own selves, so we need
to be clear on whether we are meeting the goals for our gender every
day.  Every day taking that accountability to see… What got written in
our book of deeds? 

In the end if the husbands are not fulfilling their roles, does that
mean the wives can succumb to the temptation of buying into some pseudo
islamic femininity?  If women are not fullfilling their roles as good
wives in the above light does that give a right to the husbands to be
tyrants? 

Like most things, someone needs to break the cycle.  Anyway, I’ve gone
on too long on this topic and probably upset someone :) 

I must begin this entry by stating my position like a rapper.  Rappers claim that their derogatory lyrics are not about all women, just the women that they know.  So let’s take their word and my word for it.  I claim that the following entry is not about all men.  It’s not about all Muslim men but that is the group that I will focus on.  This entry is about a particular segment of our community that seems to be bent on destroying Islam, corrupting the sunnah, incurring a whole bunch of sins and bringing the rest of us Muslims down with them. 

This entry has been inspired by entries I’ve read on other blogs and the comments readers left behind.  It’s also inspired by a sister I know.  This sister, by appearance and behavior, is a practicing Muslim.  She comes from a Muslim family, prays five times a day, goes to masjid, fasts Ramadan, dresses modesty and has a kind demeanor.  You can tell by meeting her that she cares about her deen but here’s the thing.  Her husband is Christian.  I’ve met this guy many times and he seems like a cool fellow.  I did make the mistake, when first meeting him, of giving him the salaams and then getting the gas face but I didn’t know he was Christian.  Is he a practicing Christian?  I don’t think so but he has enough attachment to whatever his beliefs are to not convert to Islam.  While I wouldn’t rule out his conversion to Islam as a possibility, I wouldn’t hold my breath for it. 

Of course, the only conversions the sister and I have ever had about marriage is if I’m gonna to get married and then she gives me a talk about how there’s good Muslim brothers out there, if you only look.  Read that again and let your brain do the mental gymnastics.  I doubt we’ll ever get a chance to discuss her feelings on the matter but she did comment, at least twice, that “Muslim brothers sometime try to run game.  They’ll talk to different girls at the same time.”  So obviously, she’s been burned (haven’t we all?).

Now, I’m saying that this is right because I know what the Qur’an says on this matter (2:221).  Getting hurt by someone of a particular religion or race does not make it right to reject that entire group of people.  And I do get tired of this excuse, “But Muslim men do it, too!”  That reasoning has a bunch a sisters skipping along with their lost brothers into a whole bunch of mess and fitna.  But I have to wonder, how many of our sisters are driven into the arms of non-Muslim men based on the less than Sunnah behavior of some of our brothers. 

I know all about the rights women are granted in Islam and so do you.  But what do you do when people throw out Islam and follow “His-lam”?  You could go to the Qur’an, the hadith and online fatawas of shayukh discussing the wonderful benefits that we as women are supposed to have in this deen.  In fact, for every woman-hating fatwa out there, I can find at least ten others that say otherwise.  So obviously a huge portion of our scholars and imams are doing their part to fight misogyny.  Shoot, there’s a group of African American Muslim men in Atlanta who have joined together to combat spousal abuse.  But as you have read from Tariq and Umar’s blogs, there’s still this group of bad apples spoiling it for the rest of the brothers who are trying to do good.

I can’t tell you how many times I cringe when I hear stories about sisters who are beaten to a pulp by their husbands and then told that this is their lot, their qadr, and they should take it like a good wife should.  Or this nonsense interpretation about verse 2:223 meaning that somehow your husband has the right to…well, rape you, though this interpretation is correct and closer to the Sunnah.  Or how about the brothers who want to practice polygamy and they have no intention of fulfilling the rights and duties to their wives. 

This week I’ve had to hear stories from sisters about them working at their jobs (because her husband says she must work though we all know she has every right not to work), taking care of their kids, having to somehow remain as youthful and attractive as the day they were married–only to have their husband say something nice when he wants sex.  Otherwise, he sullen, withdraw and could care less about her well being.  And if she dares utter a peep of protest, he’ll go on about how this is his right.  He is the man.  He may…no, he will quote Qur’an and Hadith and as Ali ibn Abu Talib (may Allah ennoble his face) said, he’ll use them for evil though their intent is good.  Basically, and this really depends on how ignorant his wife is about Islam, he’ll corrupt the deen to advance his goals.  He’ll do this in the pursuit of his own selfish aims and quite contrary to what God demands and what the Prophet exemplified (alayhi salatu wa salaam), he’ll actually think he’s justified in what he’s doing. 

I can’t help but think that wife beating and the general disrespect directed towards women is a reflection of a bigger problem.  And as you’ve noticed, this culture and some other cultures throughout the world, have a very bad interpretation of manhood.  I think it all goes back to what manhood is all about.  After all, when brothers act like this, one of the first things that come out of their mouth is, “I am the man.  Man is the head, ” and see how they corrupt this verse, “Men have a degree of advantage over women….”(4:34).  All of the nonsense, all of the abuse and broken hearts of men, women and children stem from this terrible misinterpretation of Islam but also from a shallow and pathetic definition of what Manhood is really all about. 

In the next entry, I hope to sum this all up and discuss the possible, no the necessary return of futuwa or chivalry to the umma. 

Yeah, I’m going there.  I’m gonna write a post about manhood. 

I’m gonna write a post about real manhood. 

Me….a girl.  A Muslima.  What do I know about manhood?  Read it first and then tell me whatcha think.

It’s coming soon.  I promise! 

Just doing a little blog hoppin’ on the web.  :-) 

Inspired by Sister Aaminah’s entries on the subject, Brother Yursil asks the same question.  Is writing haraam?  Sister Aaminah follows up with Part 3 of the series by focusing on poetry.  There’s also a great article on Halaal ficition over at Austrolabe.

Abu Sinan talks about tattoos and people’s reactions to them.  He also posted some pictures of some Palestininan school children.  Maybe some wayward youth in America will return to class if they realize that there’s children in the world who are dying (literally) for the right to go to school. 

Umm Zaid, as usual, has entries on emotional “suitcases,” not missing our stellar American media, and women in the masjid, Jordanian style.  I know you’ve already read her entry on visiting the Sahaba (may Allah be pleased with them). 

Ain’t it good to have Umm Zaid back?

Now, we may all exhale….

::::Breathing in, breathing out::::

All is well in Bloglandia again. 

Welcome back, hon! 

The About page is complete!!!!!

http://izzymo.wordpress.com/about/

Three years ago, I tearfully proclaimed before a group of sisters that there is no God but God and that Muhammad is His servant. 

Has it really only been three years? 

It feels longer but maybe I was a Muslim long before I declared it publicly.  Only God knows the moment when it entered my heart.  Only He knows when my heart knew the truth long before my nafs would submit.  I remember those few years before converting and trying to talk myself out of it.  It was, indeed, the act of following my heart.  And nothing is more frightening than following your heart.  Nothing takes more courage than doing what you know is right despite what others think.  It feels right, so right that for the rarest time in your life, your heart, mind, body and soul are in sync.  Yes, they all agree.  La ilaha illa Allah Muhammadur rasul Allah.  My certainty in Truth scared me.  Religion no longer seemed like the vague efforts of humanity and its attempt to explain the unexplainable.  God was no longer the distant but kind Lord of the heavens.  The path was laid bare, clear and straight and it dared me to tread.  And God–God was as close, closer to me than the skin on my flesh.  He was the Intimate and the Merciful and as the saying goes, “There is no refuge from Him except to Him.” 

This entry is by no means a conversion story since I’m unable to write about my own (though I love to read about others’ stories of conversion).  People ask but I just prattle on for a minute about reading and studying until it finally became a part of me.  What this entry is about is my efforts to look back and assess how far I have come. 

How far have I come? 

Not as far as I would have liked to.  I try to remind myself that it’s only been three years and only a few Muslims throughout history have achieved massive amounts of God consciousness and knowledge at light speed.  I still remember the advice from the Zaytuna conference in November 2005—it takes a lifetime to perfect worship and character.  But I am happy to confess that my feet are back on the ground.  Within those first few months of converting, I was so nervous and unsure about everything.  Now I can relax and realize that I’m just a baby.  I can’t grasp it all in such a short amount of time. 

While Hurricane Katrina was an iman boost, it knocked me off my feet in terms of the pattern I had developed.  Back in NOLA, I read more books about Islam and since evacuating to Georgia and then moving to Mississippi, my reading was been reduced.  I do miss having that free time and I hope to get back into my normal pattern after this semester ends.  Yeah right!  The older you get, the more responsibilities you have so I assume that those days are gone.  I’m still reading just not at the pace I prefer. 

There are certain things which are less stressful, such as the prayer.  In the beginning, I was concerned with performing it correctly.  Now I’m trying to silence the brain chatter so that I can get some khushu’ in the prayer.  You guys know how difficult it is to silence the mind so that you can focus on one thing.  I guess that’s why I love making salat at home because I have few distractions there.  I’m trying (poorly) to read Qur’an while I’m at work.  If it’s a slow day, I may try to read Surah al ‘Asr or pick up where I left off the last time (somewhere in Surah al Imran).  And of course, there are the efforts to make dhikr rather than complaining when I’m upset.  What is it about complaining that feels so good?  Is it like what Brother Yursil said?  Is it the 1,000 pound gorilla (better known as my nafs) having her way? 

:-) 

I think these little acts of worship–these little efforts to please God will always be difficult to perform because they are so little and easily discarded by the nafs. 

If I had to make a list of the things I’m glad I did and didn’t do when I first converted it would be this…

1)  I’m glad I didn’t get married immediately after converting though I wanted to.  God knew better and now I see the wisdom in that.

2) I’m happy I studied Islam prior to converting so that I could discern between popular islam and Al-Islam.

3) I’m happy I stayed in school to complete this graduate program though my lack of initial interest and desire to study Islam almost made me leave it.   

4) I’m glad I didn’t let anyone bully me about hijab and that I started wearing it because I wanted to wear it. 

5) So, so, SO happy that I didn’t fall into the trap of thinking that Islam and the “West” are incompatible.

6) I’m happy that my joy for the deen is more tempered but it burns just as deeply.  I much rather a faith that burns like a smothering fire than a bright flame that is quickly put out by life’s fitna.

7) I’m happy I met you guys and I was able to read to your blogs so that I could see other Muslims struggling.  That let me know that I wasn’t alone. 

I could go on with this list, but I’ll have to come back. More matters of the dunya are calling! 

On my list of things to do, I must complete my “about” page.  It’s so sad…so very sad that I have had this blog for almost three years and I have never done an “about” page.  Oh, well, it must be done.  Da haters have made it necessary.  My comment policy will be written there as well because….one of my major pet peeves is rudeness.  If you don’t like I wrote or you disagree, fine.  But don’t come off all rude.  Don’t insult me or the people who comment here.  I knew I had to do something when someone came here and called my friends out their name and another one said something about a fellower blogger being on her monthly.  @@ 

If you don’t act like that on your job or with your family or friends, don’t think the anonymity of the web makes it okay to curse people out or call them immature names.  It’s still rude and you will be deleted and banned.  If do act like that in “real life,” I promise that you will meet someone who will not put up with that and they will smack you silly.  Intelligent dialogue demands respect and confused, misspelled drivel about how you’re so offended by something I wrote just shows you can’t handle opinions that are different than your own. 

Welp, back to work.  I do hope to start blogging about more important things very soon. 

Georgia Lily

Originally uploaded by Izzy Mo.

Okay, let me retract those choppers and give you this nice pic. It’s a picture I took of a lily. It is done in the style of famous pop artist Andy Warhol.