Izzy Mo’s Blog

UZ’s entry, part 2

We know it happens. Muslimas marry non-Muslim men. Many Muslim men don’t like but there’s a lot of things that we do that those particular brothers don’t like. I don’t like it either but I feel like I can’t judge or get angry at them for doing it because they are simply following in the footsteps of their brothers. We see our brothers look over us and out at a non-Muslimas and no one says anything (accept some sisters, of course). But what happens when one of us catches the eyes of one of them? We don’t want to admit it but many brothers were brought into Islam by their girlfriends. And yeah, it’s strange to do dawah to someone while you’re doing some serious haram. Can you imagine it? Some girl is drinking a chocolate margarita with her boyfriend at the club and she’s telling him about the beauties of Islam. It’s crazy but it happens. It was the issue of not marrying a non-Muslim that really stalled my conversion to Islam.

I just had this fear that the moment the shahada was uttered from my lips, some gorgeous and wonderful Christian man would come waltzing into my life. His loveliness would be so stunning, I would forget Islam. I’m happy to say that nothing of the sort has happened. It was an irrational fear because for the twenty something years I was a Catholic, I never met any sincere Christian men. No doubt, they believed in God and the Bible but they didn’t live the Christian life. They didn’t pray, or go to church or read the Bible. Spirituality is very important to me and I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who didn’t show gratitude to God. I would have hated going to church while he stayed at home watching football or he would leave the religious lives of our children in my hands. Nope. Mr. Wonderful God-fearing Christian man didn’t come.

So when I finally got the courage to change my life, I was completely terrified. I was gambling. To become a Muslim in this country at this time is a gamble. I guess I’m betting on God or I’m putting my faith in God. In the eyes of many, I was taking the rough road because there would be no man to guide me in this deen. There was no Muslim boyfriend at my side to tell me about the halal and haram. I was on my own and that can be a very lonely experience. And what bugs me is the converts that tell me that if they didn’t know for a fact that they would marry their boyfriends, they wouldn’t have become Muslim. So what are you saying? You believe it’s the truth and yet you’re not willing to take the risk? So if things don’t work out between you and your husband, Islam is thrown out the door? If that’s the case, then that’s not faith. Faith often times means putting your hopes into something that’s not sure. But how would anyone be successful without faith in something? I have faith that I can make a business of my art but if I didn’t have that, I would spend my life making low wages and being treated badly by my superiors. You need a little courage sometimes to get what you want in life and mujahidat can’t be weak.

But back on subject, after being in the deen for almost two years, I see why I could never marry a non-Muslim. Some people get angry when I say that but those same folks usually discrimate when it comes to race. So why is it okay to discrimate with race but not religion? “Does he have to be Muslim?” YEAH. Not only because that’s Shari’a but that’s what my heart desires and what a blessing it is from God to have your heart in line with His law. I’m not saying nice Christian men don’t exist. I just haven’t come across too many devout Christian men in my life. Or they usually believe in God but they do whatever they want.

My great-grandmother, who is 91 years old, asked me if I had a boyfriend. Keep in mind that she doesn’t really know what Islam is. In fact, when my father converted, she said, “He’s different now since he’s joined that church.” Anyhoo, I told her no. I told her that men these days only want one thing. To that she replied, “You’re right. They don’t want to court you anymore. When I was young, the guy came over to your house, met your parents, ate dinner with you and your parents, then he went home! Now, they don’t even want to talk to you. They just want to do their business and leave. But, I want you to find someone because you’re a sweet girl. Even if it’s a white boy, you go on and get married.” I had to laugh at the last sentence because she’s very blunt like that. She’s not afraid to say what’s on her mind. Now if my great-grandmother, who has seen some real racism, who lived in segregated times and remembers the Creole tongue and slave histories of her grandparents and yet doesn’t have a racist bone in her body, then what right do I have to being a racist? NONE. So if future husband is French, Lebanese, Nigerian, dark-skinned, light-skinned, bony, fat or freckled, that’s really my business, tain’t it?

Enter Vin Diesel. I am a former gawker and those two ayats about modesty are for me. Since I felt compelled to even up the score, if men were going to gawk, I would gawk. If they had a Hollywood goddess, I had a Hollywood god and I would rub it in their face. I don’t know what it is about women and the gaze. It’s okay for men to look but for women to even admit desire is social blasphemy. We are looked upon while men look. But Hollywood is constant in its supply of hunky men. He was the last Hollywood actor I could gush on. Really, I had to give that up because it’s not right and he’s been picking some very strange movie roles lately. I would make the occasional joke that if he takes shahada…I’m there, man! But before I converted, I made the mistake of mentioning this crush to a Muslim friend, especially since I felt the need to see every Vin Diesel movie as soon as they come out. “Vin Diesel sucks, man. Stop talking about him. You might be making certain people jealous.”

Was he talking about himself? Allahu ‘alim. All I could think was that it’s not nice to be compared to someone else, huh? How do you think we ladies feel? How do you think us Muslimas feel when you admonish us to lower the gaze, cover the hair, and be silent while you go gagga over the latest femme fatale? When some of our sisters see that behavior, and you couple that with a non-Muslim man who makes her feel beautiful and attractive, that’s a heavy thing to deal with. And if that man converts, don’t give him the third degree. Don’t ask him how he met her, how he became Muslim, how often he prays and does he know Arabic? You don’t ask non-Muslimas married to Muslim men those questions. If Mr. Diesel coverts and marries a Southern-fried Muslima artist, don’t ask him questions about his deen. LOL! Okay, I’ll stop. Really, though. But I swear, Vin Diesel ticks a lot of men off for all the right reasons. Let’s look to each other for marriage and companionship first since marriage isn’t just physical and emotional comfort. Insha’Allah, this person will help you achieve Paradise and you will share Paradise with this person for eternity.

On UZ’s entry

Well, I’m sick from possible chemical vapors. It’s the only thing I can think of that’s making me feel bad. Alhamdulillah, I think I’m getting better but I still get dizzy sometimes. But on with my rant.

Muslim men and non-Muslim women

Brothers, for those of you who are married to non-Muslim women, for the love of God, treat them well. Some of these brothers don’t seem to understand that Muslims are under a microscope and that one Muslim’s behavior, especially if it’s rotten behavior, is spread over all of us with no distinction. When you dump your non-Muslim girlfriend after having a very intimate and physical relationship with her, all Muslim men are branded as callous and evil. Now, really, I don’t care how religious or irreligious you are. Just from an ethical standpoint, you should be on your best behavior with the opposite sex.

Who am I kidding?! I used to go to a mosque where most of the brothers were either dating or married to non-Muslim women. Usually the scenario is that the brother converted while he was dating and other than the shahada, his lifestyle didn’t make a significant change. The married brothers, well, I didn’t get them, because their mosque life and public life were different as night and day. I look back on that time and think to myself that our community was certainly not lacking in beautiful and smart Muslim women. In fact, every sister I knew at that mosque had something special going for her. They were smart, beautiful and educated. So I was thinking, “what was the deal?” “Why aren’t you talking to the sister but you’re talking to the girl with ‘juicy’ written on the back of her pants?”

UZ brought up the issue that brothers have more access to non-Muslim women and that’s true. But this mosque I’m talking about was founded by Imam Waritheen Mohammad. These mosques are known for being more liberal in male-female gender interaction that other mosques. You can actually talk to a brother at the mosque and no one will look at your funny. There’s no partitions and the sexes mix quite freely so in this case, I wouldn’t buy some brother’s excuse about not being able to talk to a Muslima. It still doesn’t make sense to me. But one brother broke it down for a friend of mine after she asked him why so many sisters at that mosque were being looked over. He said, “Well, sister, it’s like this. A Muslim sister doesn’t play. She going to make sure that he’s on his deen. She’ll wake him up for fajr. She’ll make sure he fasts for Ramadan. And if you’re a brother who isn’t really practicing like he should, the last thing you want is your wife telling you what you oughta be doing in the deen. So that’s why they go after non-Muslimas. Because they won’t ask questions and since they don’t know anything about Islam, he can tell her anything and she may believe it.”

Now, before the flame wars begin, everyone knows about the international stereotype of Western women. You know, the one that we are all basically…whores. And sadly enough, I think Muslim men who come from countries where people still believe in traditional sexual mores and then find themselves in America, they lose it. I’m not saying that women here are trampy but this MINO–this Muslim in Name Only–who’s looking to partake of all the fruits of Western society will finally meet a girl who’s understanding of gender and sexuality are totally different from his own. I applaud the brothers who are honorable in the face of having the full onslaught of cleavage, thigh and sexual innuendo thrown at them 24/7 but let’s face it, many of them will fall into temptation. It’s just so easy in our Sex and the City culture. That girl probably has no idea that Khalid is using her and he’s going to marry a pure girl back home. This kind of hypocrisy really needs to be addressed and only a handful of Muslim male scholars have pointed this out. I think Imam Suhaib Webb and Shaykh Hamza Yusuf and others have pointed it out but for the most part, we ignore it. Boys will be boys.

What’s even more ridiculous is when they marry the girl thinking that she will conform into his own Islamic image. Now the tight shorts and tank tops he loved while they were dating go out the door. Now she’s expected to downplay her beauty because his cultural upbringing is coming to the surface. How idiotic is that? If she was wearing shorts then, why expect her to change? And shouldn’t she change her clothing or religion because she wants to, not because Muslim hubby said so? Oh, how about when the children are born and they fight over the religious choices. All I can think is didn’t you discuss this before you were married.

It makes me upset to see these dysfunctional relationships. And while I could get upset over it, I just remind myself that any brother who acts like that is not worth marrying until he really gets his priorities together. I love Muslim men. I really do. Most of my experiences with Muslim men have been very positive and I love my brothers even when act like they’ve lost their minds. LOL. I just wish someone of them would wake up and stop playing our with their lives and their deen. If you plan on marrying a Christian or Jew, make sure she’s not a CINO or JINO. Make sure her faith is rooted in her religion and don’t violate her rights. If she wants to go to the synagogue or church, don’t give her flack about it. Or maybe…what some of these brothers need to do is admit that they can’t handle a Muslima. A religious Muslim woman (who knows more than her husband about Islam, COUGH) may be a difficult thing for some Muslim men to handle. Some Muslim men think dyini sisters are attractive and others think they’re a threat.

I really don’t know how I fit into all this because I’ve had that problem. Years ago, a Christian guy, a CINO, I knew was threatened by me. Why? He felt that a woman should just be pretty, silent when necessary and be sort of a trophy on his arm. He didn’t like the fact that I had goals. He thought it was really cute that I liked to draw but wasn’t to keen on the idea of me pursuing as a goal. That would take to much attention away from him because his future wife could not have a life and light of her own. GAG!

Next post will be about Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men and Vin Diesel.

UZ is now telling it like it is
when it comes to modesty,
Muslim men and non-Muslim women.
Somebody had to say it!

I will write on this later insha’Allah. Because it comes up. Shame on the people who made UZ turn her comments off!

And Baraka has a nice entry on delicious desi aunties.

My take on UZ entry will involve some things I’ve witnessed within the community and Vin Diesel. Hee-hee.